Presented along with the content from the original slide-show, what this is not is a ‘smackdown’ and what it is is a critique of how oversimplified a mythology-based ethical worldview is. Many of the comments below allude to the mismatch between the conduct of contemporary society and the much-vaunted value-system of the Ramayana it claims to follow. Far from being a parody, this exercise is actually quite the opposite; an attempt to inject more seriousness into the discourse on ethics.

Introduction

“Ramayana is just not a mythological story; it is one of the two “itihas” most widely read and revered by Hindus. Itihas means “thus happened”; Ramayana is considered the true story of Rama, the king of Ayodhya, who is considered the very incarnation of Lord Vishnu. Thus the story of Ramayana, whenever read, gives us a great insight to the very high moral and ethical standards of the yore; at times of mental turmoil, we get enlightenment by reading Ramayana. Here are some of the lessons one can learn from reading Ramayana.”

Critique: Some perennial ethical challenges are indeed presented in such epics but only in archaic caricature, and as for the unprecedented ethical challenges peculiar to us, those were understandably inconceivable to the writers of the epics. Of course whatever is said below is subject to the disclaimer that Indians can be as proud of the Ramayana as the Greeks are of the Iliad and Odyssey, so long as they do not glorify the ‘ethics’ of these epics as anything more than primitive at best and oppressive at worst.

Lesson 1.

“Relationship between Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha

Human life is consumed in chasing materialism (Artha) and sense pleasures (Kama). Ramayana makes it clear that these two pursuits should never be at the cost of Dharma (righteousness). In withholding dharma, both artha and Kama can be and must be sacrificed. The ultimate goal of life is Moksha (liberation) and it can be attained only by relinquishing Artha and Kama and by strictly following a life of Dharma.”

Critique: Neither ascetic deprivation nor withdrawal from productive activity is necessary for leading an Ethical Life. Oppressive injunctions such as these which religions are replete with, all too obviously hinder rather than help the realization of human potential.

Lesson 2.

“The importance of one man being wedded to only one wife

Rama’s own father Dasaratha was wedded to 3 wives (queens) and he had innumerable concubines at his palace. In a stark contrast to his father, Rama remained wedded and staunchly loyal to his only wife Sita. With this qualification, he held his head high as the greatest king ever ruled in Bharat. He set example for future generations of men as to what constitutes a sterling quality for the respectability of a man in society.”

Critique: Marriage as a human institution of civil union must be one which any pair of mutually consenting adults has the freedom to solemnize without needing approval from or facing persecution from any religious authority enforcing its own writ upon this fundamentally private communion.

Lesson 3.

“Adherence to truth and the need to honor one’s word

Later in time, when his third wife Kaikeyi wanted the throne of Ayodhya for her own son Bharata and wanted Rama to be sent in exile to the forest, it was nothing short of a deathly blow to Dasarata. But still, he could never use his kingly authority to veto her request, because of the promise he had made long ago to Kaikeyi, to grant her two boons whenever she chose to ask.”

Critique: Great caution and prudence ought to be exercised while entering contractual obligations and unilateral commitments without taking all stakeholders into confidence must be eschewed. For any kind of leader, a corporate or a Head of State, assuming the consent of the team before briefing them of risks amounts to a breach of trust and abuse of power.

Lesson 4.

“Respecting father’s word of Honor

Rama had every right to question such an injustice meted out to him and he was in not really duty-bound to honor his father’s unjust promises. But true to his greatness, Rama, with utter detachment and without even a trace of disappointment reflecting on his face, conceded to both the demands. For him, “honoring his father’s words” was one of the highest dharmas.”

Critique: Obligations towards one’s parents are matters best left to the conscience of the persons concerned and not topics of jurisprudence. To consider such obligations as divinely mandated to be unconditional and exclusively applicable in a patriarchal setting, is indefensible from a contemporary standpoint.

Lesson 5.

“The futility of listening to vicious counseling

Lakshmana, the most beloved brother of Rama, could not just tolerate the injustice meted out to Rama. But the ever sober Rama pacified Lakshmana with soothing words, pointing out the need for adhering to dharma. The effect of Rama’s counseling not only pacified Lakshmana, but also gave him a steely resolution to relinquish his own comforts of the palace to accompany Rama to the forest, despite the latter’s objections to it.”

Critique: Persons in a leadership role are not always entitled to the luxury of doctrinaire posturing at the cost of pragmatic decision-making, especially when the imperative of welfare of the very people whose trust vests the powers in the leader dictates otherwise.

Lesson 6.

“Not accepting any booty coming in unjust way

Bharata, the son of Kaikeyi, is another sterling character in Ramayana, who just could not tolerate the very idea of bequeathing the throne that rightfully belong to his elder brother Rama but wrongly acquired for his sake by his mother. As Rama refused to concede, he took Rama’s pair of footwear and carried it on his head; he placed them on the throne of Ayodhya and took care of administration of the country as a representative.”

Critique: Declining political office that comes one’s way in the fitness of things, is an act that is often glorified with de facto sainthood, when all that this decision maybe is a heeding of the dictates of prudence based on a reading of the public mood. Conferring sainthood upon political renouncers in a modern democracy is fraught with the risk of creating an unaccountable, extra-constitutional power center.

Lesson 7.

“The futility of getting swayed by dubious attractions

Sita, in the forest, got madly attracted by a beautiful golden deer. She refused to heed to her husband’s counsel that such a deer could not be a natural one and it could be a demon in disguise. It is her incessant pestering to acquire the deer to be her play-mate that forced Rama to go behind it. It paved the way for her getting separated from him and she got forcibly abducted by Ravana, the demon.”

Critique: The traditional marital setting where one spouse lives in a state of financial dependence on the other for their every need, is anachronistic in contemporary societies, where every individual should be entitled to pursue their aspirations as professionals, consumers and citizens in a personal capacity irrespective of their marital status.

Lesson 8.

“The importance of being watchful about one’s utterances

The demon called out “Lakshmana! Sita!” in Rama’s mimicked voice and died. Sita, upon hearing it, urged Lakshmana, who was standing guard to her, to go and help Rama, who seemed to be in trouble.  Ravana utilized this opportunity to abduct her.Finally Sitawas forced to prove her chastity by the test of fire by Rama only because of her intemperate and terrible accusation against the saintly and devout Lakshmana.”

Critique: In much human communication there is difficult tradeoff between frankness and mindfulness to the sensibilities of others, and it seems unconvincing that readings of epics are sufficient to cultivate such prudence.

Lesson 9.

“The importance of fighting atrocity against woman

Jatayu, the aged and once powerful bird, who noticed Ravana abducting Sita forcefully and flying with her in his vehicle towards his country Lanka, fought valiantly to obstruct Ravana and release Sita, but could not succeed in its effort. The bird sacrificed its very life on such a noble effort. Before breathing its last, Jatayu managed to convey the news to Rama, who, moved to tears by the gallantry of the old bird, did its last rites and funeral, as though he was the son of the bird.”

Critique: Crimes against women occur most in a society that tacitly through a conspiracy of silence and winks allows the conditions for such crimes to thrive, by encouraging opportunity denial, commoditization and perpetuation of exploitative institutions.

Lesson 10.

“Divinely love transcends all barriers of caste and creed

Likewise, Sabari, an old hunter woman of low caste, became a staunch devotee of Rama, just by hearing about Rama’s greatness. When Rama was wandering the forests in search of Sita, Rama happened to visit Sabari’s hut and the old lady, overwhelmed with love for Rama reportedly offered to him fruits after nibbling each a bit to make sure that she did not offer sour fruits to her beloved Rama.”

Critique: Centuries of banishment and exclusion are not magically undone overnight by carefully orchestrated visits by high-profile politicians to dwellings of the underprivileged in a media blitz of the ‘politics of inclusion’.

Lesson 11.

“The importance of humility as a great virtue

Hanuman was physically very powerful, was a great diplomat, was very erudite in spoken words and was full of wisdom. Yet his humility was unsurpassed. The moment he met Rama, he was bowled over by Rama’s divinity and charm and he committed himself to be the life-long servant of Rama. The great feats he did in the service of Rama subsequently were unparalleled and the humility he displayed despite his greatness was unfathomable.”

Critique: Servility and obsequiousness to uphold and flaunt a fetishized modesty hinder professional accomplishment in the workplace in all sectors and have the risk of creating personality cults sustained by sycophancy.

Lesson 12.

“The greatness of true friendship

Rama befriended the estranged Vanar King Sugriva (who’s brother Vali forcefully took Sugriva’s wife and also denied his share of Vanar kingdom) with a mutual promise of help – Rama to eliminate the immensely powerful Vali and Sugriva in turn to help Rama to seek and locate Sita and wage war against Ravana to retriveSita. Both did a commendable job in honoring their words.”

Critique: Dignifying opportunistic alliances in the shadow of which connivance is facilitated thanks to diluted responsibility and plausible deniability, remains the refuge of a political class which remains indifferent to much wrongdoing in the name of ‘coalition dharma’.

Lesson 13.

“Showing mercy even to the enemy

On the first fiery combat between Rama and Ravana, Rama destroyed all the weapons and armor of Ravana; Ravana stood on the war field, unprotected. Rama, who could have easily killed Ravana at that moment, in one of the greatest acts of graciousness, asked Ravana to retire for the day and return to the war field the next day, fully re-armed, as it was against dharma to kill an un-armed person.”

Critique: Subjecting military personnel under his or her command to additional avoidable combat risks by withholding, in deference to ‘international opinion’, options that could have concluded the mission, remains a tough call and a major occupational hazard for any Commander in Chief.

Lesson 14.

“The need for the highest standards in a King

After annihilating Ravana and freeing Sita from confinement, Rama did one of the most controversial and oft criticized demand by asking Sita to jump into the fire to prove her chastity. Sita did it and came out unscathed. Rama took her into his loving fold once again.”

Critique: Obligations of marital fidelity rest equally on both the spouses and they are entitled to a withdrawal of such obligation with mutual consent, without either spouse being entitled to unilaterally ‘issue punishment’ as it were, on grounds of unmet obligation.

All images are from the animated movie Sita Sings The Blues by Nina Paley distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.

Content from 14 Life Lessons From Ramayana by C.V.Rajan is used as fair use material for the purpose of this critique.

Related posts:

1. To Err Is Human – A Skeptical Reading Of The Ramayana
2. Ramayana Absurdity Quiz – The Balakand Series
3. Examining Our Commitment Towards Liberty: John Stuart Mill Revisited

A satire inspired by the media’s bigoted response to a recent ministerial visit to India

The Minister of Water Resources from the nation of Mardangistan, Shaan Lirhani, is on a tour of neighbouring Mardania. Mr. Lirhani plans on meeting his Mardanian counterpart and discussing matters involving the Akalmandi river hydro-electric project, among other issues. The water of the Akalmandi river flowing between Mardangistan and Mardania has been a source of great tension between the two countries for decades. The conflict dates back to the drought of 1922, the year when the water stopped flowing for a whopping six months. Both Mardanians and Mardangistanis have claimed ever since then that the contested portion of the river lies on their side of the border. Perhaps today, after sixteen border wars and numerous mud-slinging bouts in the international arena, the thirst of both nations will be quenched. Mr. Lirhani’s ambitious water project – simply named “Akalmand” –   proposes equitable water sharing between both sides, and a jointly-constructed hydroelectric project that will create a reservoir for irrigation channels all year round. It could well be the deal of the century.

The media, however, has focused on the minister’s dashing good looks and his stylish demeanor. It is well known that he is a “pretty boy” who likes to dress in Armani and Gucci suits and drives a Cadillac. A lot has been said in the press about the fact that his father was the 9th president of Mardangistan, but he insists that he went to Cambridge and earned his medals without the help of his family’s connections. But whether he did well in college or not, the image of a rich boy with loose inhibitions, often seen in skimpy clothing on the yachts of rich heiresses and caught by the paparazzi cameras in compromising positions around the sprawling country estate of one Baroness of Winspur, had caught the public’s imagination. A recent portfolio of him posing wearing a range of designer kilts during a visit to Scotland caused quite a stir globally and raised hackles among conservatives back home.

The current visit to Mardania has made it to the front pages of all major newspapers in both countries. In Mardangistan, The MarDangi Times went with ‘Opening batsman material now water-carrier in Mardania’. Across the border in Mardania, The Danian Express splashed ‘Wet!Wet!Wet!’ across its front pages, featuring photographs of a swimsuit wearing Lirhani vacationing on a beach in Kokkum.

The news channels in Mardania ran the story of Lirhani’s visit non stop, with one of them even interrupting its weekly astrology show to talk about how Lirhani’s new burgundy Berluti loafers made a bold statement and were turning heads. MDTV presented panels of experts on haircutology, predicting the minister’s mental disposition based on the hairstyles and the headgear he sports. In fact, one of the experts was all praise for the minister and suggested that others in politics could learn a thing or two from Lirhani’s sense of style and panache. The channel quoted the professional as saying “Too much emphasis is placed on what is between the ears! Now that is beginning to change for the better!”

There were some people who didn’t see all the attention that the visit was getting as a good thing. During one MDTV show, a young boy suggested that men should not be objectified. His female companion laughed and said “Come on yaar, it’s just a bit of harmless fun! Lighten up and learn to take a joke, will you? Girls will be girls’. When pressed by a reporter, the young lady said “I know it’s considered chauvinistic to focus on what powerful men are wearing instead of what they’re saying, but we live in a visual culture, so get over it. I mean, check out his six-pack and cute butt. If he doesn’t want us to see, why would he dress up like that? He is enjoying all the attention he gets.”

One commentator suggested that hot guys in Mardania with “zing and oomph” should also enter politics so that politics would become more interesting to the young ladies.

A popular SMS doing the rounds in Mardania is “Just let us keep Shaan…You can keep all of Akalmandi!”.

In fact, the social media buzz started long before Lirhani landed. Within hours of Lirhani’s visit to Mardania being announced, #MardangiPosterBoy was already trending on Twitter. “We now have another good reason to screw Mardangistan. #MardangiPosterBoy” tweeted one famous talk show host. “Mast forearms, but a bit too top-heavy, needs more leg work #MardangiPosterBoy”, another B-list celebrity sent out.

There were raised eyebrows at the National Press Club on Saturday, when one reporter asked Mr. Lirhani- “Your wife is the former foreign minister of Mardangistan, and many people seem to think you owe your position to her. What does she have to say about your proposal?” Mr. Lirhani angrily responded: “My wife? Why don’t you ask me? I am the minister here”. Some people say temperamental outbursts like this do not lend much confidence in Mr. Lirhani’s chances with his landmark proposal. Only time will tell.

The women’s magazine ‘Playgirl’ back in Mardangistan interviewed his wife who is now a leading industrialist. The magazine wrote

‘Mrs Lirhani had only words of praise for her husband. “I am so fortunate, god has blessed me with a husband like him”, she said. “When I see him looking good, it makes me feel good. Men do look good, and they like looking good for women and we should not be ashamed of it”. And we at Playgirl agree. He has a finely shaped derriere and he could use it to his advantage. Check out those ripped forearms, we say, flaunt your assets man! Warm our TV screens.’

The consensus among the media pundits is that today’s boys need to be both strong and smart, have good bodies, and a minister like this one is a good role model for them.

Not everybody is impressed however. Fashion diva Arika B is one of those with some words of criticism for the handsome minister. “For most men, pleats are a no-no – no matter how good a brand you’re wearing.” Some are even more critical; an anonymous commenter at the news website Whee-diff.com wrote, “He is a puffed up pretty boy, who has no business doing politics in are (sic) great nation. He should go back to his parties and steaks.” Arika B was, however, able to appreciate some of Lirhani’s achievements, saying “I have great respect for his intellect and his tenacity and for what he does for our country in his governmental role. I just wish he could send a stronger message about Mardangistani fashion.”

The project that on paper looked as taut as the Minister’s butt might, unfortunately, turn out to be a sore bum given the protests and criticisms of the man himself. The minister has complained on more than one occasion that he brings a solid plan for water sharing, but no one wants to listen. One person, though not in the mainstream media, had good things to say about his plan. Bee News on Monday did a feature on a remote village near the border where the hydro-electric project proposed by the minister was to bring electricity and water for irrigation. The reporter came up on an elderly woman hunched over a near-dry tubewell, as she pumped till a few drops of brownish water dripped into her pot and turned to the camera with the words “We’ve heard he is a famous person, but have not seen him. We just want water.”

After a gruelling trip, meeting dignitaries all over Mardania who were all eager to shake his hand, commenting about his presence and how they were enthusiastic that they could meet him, Lirhani appeared at a scheduled press conference in the capital where he fielded questions from the press. The questions were relating to the details of his trip to the nation’s monuments, the comfort level at his hotel, what he did to keep in shape while travelling and whether he found the shopping up to the standard for his refined tastes. After an hour of this, Shaan Lirhani lost his temper and lashed out at the media with a passionate speech about how Akalmand was vital to the sustenance of 7 million people and why they had failed to do their duty of covering the important story by focusing on extraneous and superficial issues. He finished by throwing his hands up, asking in exasperation, “Does nobody care about Akalmandi anymore?”. There was pin drop silence. After a long pause, a reporter with the MarDan Daily cleared his throat and asked,
“Minister, about that picture of you in Scotland…”

Related posts:

1. Freethought, Cross-examined

In the previous two parts (1, 2) of our article series on Chinmayananda’s commentaries, we took a sardonic look at the narrative style of his commentaries. In this concluding part we will try to reassess a common impression of his commentaries on Hindu treatises, which is about his so-called oratorical skills. Unlike in the previous articles, we will quote not one paragraph but 3 paragraphs of his commentary here to examine whether his style and manner of narration really qualifies for the lofty encomium of oratory that is so easily conferred on him by the religious and intellectual gentry of India.

In most lexicons, oratory is defined as eloquence or skill in making speeches to the public, or as a manner of public speaking marked by the use of overblown or effusive rhetoric. So it can be seen that there are not one but two requirements for a speech or expressive style to be properly denoted or qualified as oratorical; firstly the eloquence of speech or expression and along with that the predominance of rhetoric.

Quoting from Wikipedia “Eloquence (from Latin eloquentia) is fluent, forcible, elegant or persuasive speaking. It is primarily the power of expressing strong emotions in striking and appropriate language, thereby producing conviction or persuasion. The term is also used for writing in a fluent style.”

While a speech or expression needs to be forcible or persuasive, we must not be unmindful of an almost equal emphasis on fluency, elegance and use of appropriate language.

While Chinmayananda’s talks may sound forceful and persuasive to many, they miserably fail the test of fluency, elegance and use of appropriate language. Using appropriate language involves adhering to the rules of a language pertaining to its grammar, idioms, semantics and context, while improvising on style and effect using the freedom that figurative expression allows us.

Chinmayananda’s style of speech and writing are in complete violation of these rules of the English language. He confuses prose and poetic style and mixes literal and figurative elements of expression without any sense of proportion, placement or agreement with context. He repeatedly uses common jargons of spiritual lingo, which is a clear sign of his lack of fluency in his subject matter and language. He is notorious for coining new words, many times by tagging Sanskrit or Indian words with English words. There is nothing wrong about coining words- neologism, as it is termed in linguistics. Many languages are enriched by the addition of new words. But new words to gain currency in a language need to satisfy certain requirements of semantics, with associative and derivative qualities of coherence, cogency and ablity to blend with other words and groups. His terms like ‘mud-tattwa’, ‘packet-yoga’ ‘rama-gold’, ‘Krsna-cure’, ‘Arjuna-disease’ etc., exhibit a tendency for playing to the gallery with weird-sounding words, which may yet signify some ethnicity. But, from the perspective of eloquence, they represent an atrocious use of language.

The purpose of rhetoric is to create an effect and persuade an audience to its point of view. But still, rhetoric needs to be phrased in meaningful and appropriate language. Looking at the style of Chinmayananda’s commentaries, one really wonders whether he knows how to construct rhetoric. It will be noticed that he poses questions with exaggerated terms and fancy phrases and then answers them himself, stumbling in the process of doing both of these. A typically well phrased and delivered rhetorical question is one that does not need an answer or has a reply in the question itself. Rhetoric also demands some grandeur and luxuriance of vocabulary and phraseology that does not seem to exist in Chinmayananda’s literary arsenal.

With that prefatory note, let us proceed to an analysis of his quotes.

The verse 4 chapter IX or 9.4 of the Bhagavad Gita

Chinmayananda’s literal translation of this verse of the BG goes like this:

“All this world (universe) is pervaded by Me in My Unmanifest form (aspect); all beings exist in Me, but I do not dwell in them”

Quote 1 from the ‘Gurudev’ and its dissection

“If thus, the Infinite pervades the finite what exactly is the relationship between them? Is it that the finite rose from the Infinite? Or is it that the Infinite produced the finite? Has the Infinite Itself become the finite, as a modification of Itself or do they both keep a father-son, or master-servant relationship? Various religions of the world abound in such questions. The dualists can afford to indulge in such a fancied picture of some relation or other between the finite and the Infinite. But the advaitin-s (Non-dualists) cannot accept this idea, since to them the Eternal Self alone is the one and only reality.”

There you go again! With the merry-go-round of the finite and the ‘Infinite’. There is no respite from the onslaught of the spiritual Siamese twins of the Infinite and the finite. One would have thought that the Gurudev was supposed to explain a verse. Instead of explaining, he is posing more questions than answering any, unless of course the arguments of the infinite and the finite chasing their own tails are supposed to be an astounding spiritual revelation.  After all his grand posturing, he still cannot decide who is the father and son or who the master and the servant between the Infinite and the finite.  Being celibate, the great man could not conceive of a ‘cozy’ mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship between finite and the Infinite!

According to the Gurudev, these trials and tribulations of the Infinite and the finite are the questions in which the various religions of the world abound. Really?! Either the Guru has not any done any reasonable study of comparative religion or does not understand what the word abound means; or maybe both. The major religions of the world other than Hinduism, such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or even home grown religions like Buddhism and Jainism, are not concerned with all this tripe about Infinite and the finite. Even in Hinduism, this kind of nonsensical speculation about the infinite and the eternal is the obsession of that monstrosity called Vedanta.  The great man then thinks that only dualists can afford to indulge in a fancied picture. One has heard of people indulging in a habit or pursuits or revelries, but how does one indulge in a picture? Maybe by staring at the blank canvas of the Infinite and filling it with whatever fanciful picture a spiritually fertile imagination can come up with.  Leaving this quote and its author with our sympathies for his poverty of imagery and confusion of vocabulary, let us move on to the next great quote.

Quote 2 and our analysis of it

“The second line of this stanza is a classical description of this “relationless-relationship” between Real and unreal. To a hasty reader this would strike as an incomprehensible paradox expressed in a jumble of empty words. But to one who has understood well the theory of super-imposition, this is very simple. The ghost-vision can come only the post. And what exactly is the relationship between the ghost and the post from the standpoint of the post? The innocent post, in infinite love for the deluded fool, can only make a similar statement as the Lord has made here. “The ghost,” the post would say “is no doubt in me, but I am not in the ghost; and therefore I have never frightened any deluded traveler at any time.” In the same fashion the Lord says here, “I in my unmanifest nature, am the substratum for all the manifested” chaos of names and forms, but neither in their joys nor in their sorrows, neither in their births nor in their deaths, ” am I sharing their destinies, because I do not dwell in them.”

As if the finite and the Infinite and their cat-and-mouse games were not enough, we are now told to deal with the real and the unreal . At least the  former two had some relationship  where the Guru would make us ‘indulge’ in a ‘fancied picture’. The latter two have  a  “relationless-relationship”, that too of a ‘classical description’. The problem here is not of classical description, but of the classical confusion that our great author has between an oxymoron and a paradox.  It would have helped if Chinmayananda has studied some figurative English properly, he would have realized the perfect hash he is making here of personification, oxymoron and paradox.  The ‘jumble of empty words’ is not from the Gita verse, but from the nonsense of his commentary, struggling to match words with any cogence of meaning.

That apart, now we have to understand well the ‘theory of super-imposition’, which is to spirituality what the ‘theory of gravity’ and ‘theory of relativity’ are to science and physics. It is really amazing that very few of us have heard of this great ‘theory of super-imposition’.

As though the rigmaroles of the finite and the Infinite and that of the Real and unreal were not enough for our confusion, the ghost and the post have also joined the chase party. So, the finite’s ‘Chicken Little’ procession on a bewildering journey to nowhere in hot pursuit of the eternal Self has now the company of the dialogue between the ghost and the post, while saving themselves from the fall of the ‘Infinite’ sky. The protestations of innocence of the post in this ghostly (or rather ghastly) conversation in the typical Gurudev rambling runs along the lines of ‘While the ghost is in the post, but surely the post is not in the ghost’ or ‘The ghost thinks that he is not the post, while the post thinks that the ghost is in the post’ or that ‘The ghost is lost in the post, while the post is still looking for the ghost’. While the ghost and post are posting nasty looks at each other, we are left wondering what kind of post is this, a lamppost, signpost, speed post or compost? And the post is doing all this out of ‘Infinite love for the deluded fool’. It is not hard to see that the ‘deluded fool’ here is none other than Chinmayananda himself who seems to harbor foolish delusions about his literary skills, when he cannot make out the difference between a simile  and a metaphor and falls flat on his pathetic attempts at personification.

Yet for all the faults, who can deny the hard work and exertion of this puffery of spiritual argument from the Gurudev. If, after all the sacrifices of the motley characters of the finite and the Infinite, the Real and unreal, the ghost and the post, their modifying and mortifying proceedings, their ‘relationless-relationships’, their father-son, master-servant, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles and their ‘infinite love for deluded fools’, we still do not get a ‘senseless-sensation’ of the ‘self-realizing’ Realization of the eternity of ‘Eternal Self’, shame indeed on our sacrilegious selves. With such sobering thoughts we move to his next great quote.

Quote 3 and our dissertation of it

“This line sounds like a faithful echo of the same idea, perhaps more crisply expressed earlier, where it was said “I am not in them , they are in ME.” In short it is indicated here that the Self which, through Its identification with matter-envelopments, has come to “dwell in them”  is the pain-ridden mortal, while the same Self which has successfully withdrawn all its false arrogations with the matter layers and has come to realize that “I do not dwell in them” is the Self , Immortal and Unmanifest.”

Despite being so spiritual, our ‘Gurudev’ is much more concerned with matter than with spirit, whether as ‘matter-envelopement’ or ‘matter layers’. The self has possibly the same liking for envelopes that the great commentator probably has, since it acquires ‘matter-envelopments’. What if instead of ‘matter-envelopment’ there was ‘matter-elopement’, with the spiritual eloping with the material. But there are too many mattress layers, oops ‘matter layers’, to let that happen in the ‘happening’ world of spirituality. It is not clear who or what this matter layers are. People who lay the matters or mattresses? or ones like ‘Gurudev’ who place layers of nonsense on matter that can be more simply explained. One wishes that Chimayananda would have rather slept on those mattress layers and snored his way to oblivion, instead of tormenting his admirers and detractors alike with his inane and soporific commentaries.

A note of conclusion

Surely Chinmayananda’s eccentricities and antics in the process of speech, like the waving of hands, bobbing of the head, conflation and contortion of nostrils, stealthy wiping of the nose (mostly the result of his regular snuff intake), the bird-droppings of uneven and ‘un-parliamentary’ words and phrases, abrupt changes of voice tones etc., may make for entertaining and comic occasions and interludes. But to take these as marks of oratory and eloquence is to grossly misunderstand the meaning and demands of oratory. If Chinmayananda’s verbal acrobatics is to be considered as oratorical flourish, one can only say that oratory is sorely in need of a redefinition.

To conclude, we have looked at but a few specimens from the book-loads of Chinmayananda’s commentaries. But the bulk of his writings and speeches very nearly mirror these specimens in their sheer desultory nonsense and aimless exposition of theological concepts. While it may not be a wonder for his devotees to marvel at his intellectual prowess and expressiveness, to any thinking and reasonable student of a langauage and subject, Chinmayananda’s speech and writing represent the most cruel mockery of language, and constitute an insult to human intelligence and understanding.

Ranganath R writes critically of religion and spiritualism on his blog Critical Sagacity.

Related posts:

1. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part I
2. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part II
3. A Way Of Life Without Religion – Demystifying Chinmayananda
4. A Critical Look At Neo-Hindu Religious And Spiritual Fads
5. Ramayana Absurdity Quiz – The Balakand Series
6. Spiritual Bedfellows : The Norway massacre and the Indian connection

Chapter V, verse 18 or verse 5.18 of the Bhagavad Gita (BG) is literally translated by Chinmayananda as:

“Sages look with an equal eye upon a brahmana endowed with learning and humility, on a cow, on an elephant, and even on a dog and an outcaste“

Here goes a part of the great soul’s explanation to this verse:

“The gold-seeing goldsmith considers but the gold in all forms; he cannot see the distinction of Rama-gold from Sita-gold, or the Lakshmana-gold from Hanuman-gold. Whatever be the form, it is all gold. The Self-realized sage after his experience of inner Divinity, sees nothing but the same Spirit everywhere and, therefore to him a man of knowledge and humility, dog, or an elephant, or a dog-eater are all different containers containing the same truth“

Our analysis of the comment and concern at the mutilation of Queen’s English
The Guru rarely ever launches into his exposition of BG without his characteristic poetic and figurative flourishes, so what if it is with all the might of savagery.

Let’s witness and explore the involuntary and unwitting poesy of the Gurudev in the alliteration of the phrase “the gold-seeing goldsmith”. Without hastening into any judgment of the alternating retardation of poesy and prose in the commentary, let us see what inspirations are evoked by this placement of sounds. One would have thought the phrases ” silver-seeing Silversmith” or “black-seeing Blacksmith” as phrases contending for the glory of figurative comparison. We were almost proceeding to coin an alliteration based on “wordsmith”, but reined ourselves in out of a sneaking concern for the effects of the inflictions of alliterative barbarity on an already mortified language.

Our grudging acceptance of the Gold standard of spirituality
Yet we must pronounce with a sense of grudging reluctance that the “gold-seeing goldsmith” out-shines the rest. Do we espy a gold “seer” in this gold-seeing goldsmith, as in a prophet of gold?. The days of the gold ‘bug’ and the gold ‘bull’ are passé. We are witnessing the ascent of the goldsmith to the golden heights of seer-hood. Lest we get blown away in our own mistaken awe of the gold-seer, we are provided with an enumeration of the kinds of gold among which the goldsmith perceives little distinction. These kinds are the Rama-gold, Sita-gold, Lakshmana-gold and the Hanuman-gold. What are they? Mere titles or designations or brands of gold and jewellery imbued with luster of the Ramayana?

May the ignorant souls of the spiritual dark lands be forgiven for assuming that these golds are the pillars that lay the groundwork for the ‘gold standard’ of spiritual essence? So what if the economic world has forsaken the gold standard of money, the ‘gold standard of spiritual renaissance’ is waiting in the wings ready to soar into the clouds of spiritual ecstasy.

Hold back thy pernicious insinuations, O vile profaner of the devout, and listen to the parable of iconoclasm that preceded the seer’s commentary.

Our feeble effort at recounting the great story-telling skills of the Gurudev
Unfortunately, in deference to the rules of parody we are constrained to paraphrase or shorten this parable instead of hearing it being narrated in the Gurudev’s inimitable words. So as the parable goes, a rich youth by his reckless and dissolute ways squandered most of his inheritance and in the end was left with the only resort of disposing of the idols or icons of Sita, Lakshmana, Hanuman and Rama to that gold-seeing goldsmith. Here we connect the dots with that gold seer again. To continue the parable in our own insipid way, somehow that goldsmith being unaware of the modern methods of transacting gold and jewelery, used to smash those idols in order to weigh them and pay the youth on the basis of the weight of gold.

Though the young man as well as we couldn’t comprehend why the gold idols must be smashed to weigh the gold in it, we do not possess the temerity to dispute this testimony of the Gurudev.

Back to the youth, though he held his composure through all the barbarism of the idol-smashing, he let loose his litany of complaints when we saw that the Rama-idol was paid the same amount of money as the other idols. While we would like to add our sympathetic voice to the remonstrations of the youth at the desecration of the icons of Ramayana and especially the inequity of monetary value for the Rama-idol, we are checked by the Gurudev’s admonition of this un-spiritual gripe of the youth.

As we seek deeper meanings in the Guru’s commentary, it dawns on us that all that the gold-seeing goldsmith sees is gold in all forms, even if it means that gold may have to be smashed to see it in a smashed form.

In all humility we must pay our tributes to this worthy successor of Midas and shed a tear for the gold-crossed youth.

Moral of the story and an important lesson for the gold industry
Another insight of the Gurudev’s fable that has somehow escaped the gold industry is that gold could be smashed instead of going through all the trouble of smelting it. We appeal to the gold industry with all its gold-seeing goldsmith members to seriously consider this energy-saving method of converting gold into well! Gold.

The leap from gold to divinity and the spiritual ‘containers’ of truth
Leaving the goldsmith to his gold, the guru describes the experience of inner Divinity of the Self-realized sage. Apparently the luster of this inner Divinity is more blinding than the luminosity of the yellow metal, that the Self-realized sage becomes blind to the distinctions between the man of knowledge and humility, dog, or an elephant, or a dog-eater. Yet to be so blinded, we somehow suspect that the out caste of the BG has turned into dog-eater who is to receive the same condescension, sorry consideration from the sage as the dog, or an elephant. Leaving the poor animals with the Hobson’s choice of an indifferent sage and a dog-eater, let’s turn to the wonders of the experience of inner Divinity. There the goldsmith saw only gold and here to the Self-realized sage all “are different containers containing the same truth”.

While different containers may contain the same truth, is there a difference if the truth is contained in the same container or the container is contained by the differences? As it is said it is all the same as ‘considering the consideration’ and ‘producing the production’.

For now we must retire to the confines of sanity and seek refuge from the throes of metals and containers

Related posts:

1. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part III
2. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part I
3. A Way Of Life Without Religion – Demystifying Chinmayananda
4. A Critical Look At Neo-Hindu Religious And Spiritual Fads
5. Ramayana Absurdity Quiz – The Balakand Series
6. Spiritual Bedfellows : The Norway massacre and the Indian connection

Regardless of one’s motives and persuasions, if any work is capable of attracting the charge of sacrilege, one is bound by humility to seek commiseration and indulgence well in advance from one’s perceived targets of raillery. Though the intention here is to engage in the sallies of satirical sport, and all exertion of thought and word is in the celebration of parody, one may yet fall foul of the sensibilities and sensitivities of the religious and spiritual species.

By declaring one’s highest disregard for the theological and spiritual scholasticism of Chinmayananda, but yet striving to desist from conveying the impression of irreverence, we launch into reproducing the following couplets of spiritual poesy from this bard of Vedantic mysticism.

The verse that Chinmayananda is commenting about:

The quote that I try to analyze is from his commentary to Verse 16 in Chapter V of “Bhagavad Gita” or verse 5.16 which is literally translated by him as:

“But to those whose ignorance is destroyed by the Knowledge of the Self, like the Sun, to them Knowledge reveals the Supreme (Brahman)

The Quote from Chimayananda’s commentary on the above verse:

“Similarly the ego (jeeva) looking upto the Aatman finds that ignorance is enveloping the Infinite. This ignorance is not in Truth, just as the clouds are never in the Sun. The finite ignorance is certainly a limited factor compared with the infinitude of Reality. And yet the mist of self-forgetfulness that hangs in the chambers of the heart gives ego the false notion that the Spiritual Reality is enveloped by ignorance. When this ignorance is removed, the Self becomes manifest, just as when the cloud has moved away, the Sun becomes manifest”

The analysis begins into the ‘poetry’ and confusion of the finite and infinite

Lets delve into the poetry, or may we say the poetastry of this quote. The ego and the Aatman are personified. We believe with all the risk of being reprobated with ignorance that Aatman refers to the soul. Did we forget that the Infinite is personified too. Now what is this Infinite and how is ignorance enveloping it. Not being blessed with the acuity of this sage, we must wonder in the distress of our dim faculties, why ignorance is not personified.

Oh! for the glory of hyperbole, does ignorance shroud the Infinite in its vainglory. Then we see not, that the Infinite is finite or is it that finite is Infinite. But then in the glorious uncertainties of spiritual journey, even the Infinite is not infinite. Now does the confounded soul see 2 infinites, one that is personal and the other that is impersonal?

Fie on thee! Thou blind muse of parody, do thy not seest where the poesy ends and where sagacity begins?. And Lo behold! even the astral spectacle is lost on you!. Do you need a mind’s eye to see an eclipse unfolding in darkening brilliance, the eclipse of the Infinite by ignorance, to which the jeeva and the Aatman are mute witnesses. But yet we are told that the jeeva is looking up to the Aatman.

Situation of the Aatman and hide-and-seek of the Sun and the clouds

Now we are not sure whether the Aatman is inside or outside, because one may look into the inside from the outside and the outside from the inside, or is it that we can look into the inside from the inside and the outside from the outside. All we perceive is that there are 2 sides or maybe many sides to spiritual insight. Or is it outsight?

Then we are consoled or maybe reprimanded by the sage that this ignorance that is enveloping the Infinite is not in Truth. He then brings in all the power of simile to remind us that this is just the same as that the clouds are never in the Sun.

How gullible of us to think that clouds are in the Sun! Why even worse we were thinking that the Sun is in the clouds. After this we are certain of the situation of neither the Sun nor the clouds. Even if the Sun may be in the clouds, clouds are surely not in the Sun, the inveteracy of the latter truth being clearly proclaimed by the Gurudev. Lo and behold, this Truth is now as clear as daylight with no clouds to darken it.

More poetic assault from the Gurudev and competition for Wordsworth

While this Truth sinks in slowly, we now have to contend with finite ignorance being compared to the infinitude of Reality. What is Reality, this other beast of personification that is battling for primacy with the Infinite? What answers are being revealed to us here? Is the Reality infinite or is the Infinite the reality? Let’s not be so impatient, for the reason, if not the answer unfolds in the very next line. We are explained ever so lucidly that the finite ignorance cannot comprehend the infinitude of Reality because the “mist of self-forgetfulness that hangs in the chambers of the heart gives ego the false notion that the Spiritual Reality is enveloped by ignorance”. Here in the union of poetic flight with spiritual garbling, where Wordsworth meets Jiddu Krishnamurti, the doors of Spiritual Reality are thrown open by the Gurudev to the dim vision of mortals. While we pray for the peace of Wordsworth’s soul, we see his gentle mists now buffeted by the storms of self-forgetfulness that are now swirling, oops! hanging in the gas chambers of the heart. Lest we be accused of furthering greater profanity, we stop short of the appellation of the “concentration camps” of the heart seizing the ego in the fascist grip of finite ignorance.

Our ‘respectful adieu to this ‘gem’ of a commentary

We see that there is a also manifestation of the Self, amidst all this infestation of the Reality, the Infinite, the finite and the motley crowd of the jeeva and the Aatman, but in our infinitude of ignorance, we must lay to rest for now our tribute to this eye-opener of a commentary.

Image Sources:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/freestone/4902418789/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sanjayaprime/4791781983/

Ranganath R writes critically of religion and spiritualism on his blog Critical Sagacity.

Related posts:

1. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part III
2. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part II
3. A Way Of Life Without Religion – Demystifying Chinmayananda
4. A Critical Look At Neo-Hindu Religious And Spiritual Fads
5. Ramayana Absurdity Quiz – The Balakand Series
6. Spiritual Bedfellows : The Norway massacre and the Indian connection

You decide!

No related posts.

Editor’s Note: This article may contain content that some religious people might consider sensitive, but it is NOT a deliberate attempt to offend or provoke any religious group or individual. Rather, the article employs reason and satire to critically examine a very influential aspect of Indian culture, and to redefine our moral imperatives in relation to rational narratives.

Preface

Ramayana, the Hindu epic that chronicles the adventures of its highly revered protagonist Lord Rama, is considered among the holiest of scriptures and relics of the Hindu religion. So much is the reverence for it among the masses of India and followers of Hinduism abroad that it would not be amiss to rate it as a Holy Cow – nay, the Holiest Cow – of Hindu scriptures.

Since it is a relic of religion, and given its hallowed reputation, the task of examining it is fraught with most of the dangers that usually accompany blasphemy and apostasy. Because of the intervention of faith, or rather the triumph of faith over reason in religious matters, most religious relics acquire a ring or halo of legitimacy and truth in public discussions.

While the Ramayana is a highly acclaimed epic, its popularity and reverence may have little to do with its literary excellence or about how it conveyed the sentiments of its age. Its popularity and cult-like following is to a great extent the consequence of tradition, acceptance of authority, cultural fascination for extreme idealism and, very importantly, the brute force of religious evangelism.

All this reverential halo and reputation around the Ramayana distracts most people from realizing the sheer absurdity of most parts of its mythology. In all the enthusiasm of worship and devotional fervor, many of its narrative and ideological inconsistencies and contradictions are never critically examined and responded to.

It is left to the lot of few stray critics to carry the cross of questioning the discordant elements of fantasy in which these epics and scriptures abound. Rather than employing the conventional method of re-examining the Ramayana through critical discourse, we attempt here the device of parody and humor to lay bare the many oddities and loose ends that this epic is replete with.

With this background we launch into what may be termed a ‘Ramayanic Absurdity quiz’, where, apart from poking fun at the frailties of Ramayana’s narrative using logic and reason, we also raise questions that will hopefully stimulate critical re-examination of the epic and its ideology.

As in any subjective exercise, there are no absolutely right or wrong answers, only choices that debunk absurdities the best. In many cases, multiple choices may apply.

Format: The quiz takes selected narration passages of Ramayana’s Balakand section from a Hinduism website source and then raises quizzical questions on them. Where required the quiz is punctuated by skeptical clarifications and comments.

The Quiz

Narrative 1: The two chief priests of King Dasaratha’s court, who advised him on the matters pertaining to religion and religious rites and rituals were Vasishta and vamadeva.

Question 1: The Chief priest Vamadeva was the incarnation of which Hindu god? The choices are:

• Kamadeva, the God of Love.
• Namadeva, the God of names from whom many of us Hindus get their long, prolix and unpronounceable names.
• Hamadeva, the God of hamming who makes many of the Gurus and Swamis go hamming on and on about Ramayana and other epics.
• Devaa-re-Devaa, the God of oops! (Which is what this exclamation in Marathi roughly means).
• Vyasadeva, whose name sounds like a God, but who is yet not a God of the Puranic Pantheon, and who could not write the Ramayana because Valmiki beat him in the race.
• None, which is not possible because nobody has any business to be in a Puranic epic, unless she or he is an incarnation of some god or the other.

Narrative 2: As the Ramayana mentions, Vasistha, who is Brahma Rishi, was also one of the chief priests of King Dasaratha’s court.

Question 2: Why did Vasistha take up the job of a Chief Priest in King Dasaratha’s court? The choices are:

• Vasistha was proving to be tough competition for Brihaspati, the mentor of Devas, and was dispatched to earth by Brihaspati’s curse.
• Vasistha believed in the values of multi-tasking, such as taking an additional part-time job, and also realized that a Kingdom’s chief priest earns way more than a Brahma Rishi.
• In one of the severe recessions in Brahma-loka, his Celestial cow Nandini (Cub of Kamadhenu) lost her magical powers to materialize things and later on went missing, which left him high and dry without any worldly possessions or even milk to subsist on.
• Vasistha did not like the constant supervision of him by Brihaspati and the audit of his yogic and spiritual powers by Narad Muni in the Brahma-loka.
• He was distracted by the frequent visits of the Apsaras of Indra’s court, having a tough time resisting the urge to flirt with them, and fed up of dealing with his wife’s nagging suspicions, taunts and cold glares.

Narrative 3 : Dasaratha was such a great king , but he was not at all happy. He had no son to make him happy.

Question 3: Why was King Dasaratha craving for the birth of a son? The choices are:

• He was a misogynist and could not stand women other than his wives, even when he had 3 of them.
• He was a horrible male chauvinist, and true to that nature, he craved for a son.
• He dreaded the prospect of giving obscene amounts of dowry in marriage if he happened to have a daughter born to him.
• He worried that if he had a daughter she might end up as the 10th wife of some obscure King, or worse, as a mistress of some Asura or Yaksha.

Narrative 4 : King Dasaratha held a yagna to materialize his craving desire for a male progeny.

Question 4 : What is the name of this Yagna? Choices are

• Putrakama Yagna.
• Kamasutra Yagna, which is a recital of the verses of Kamasutra with voyeuristic devotion.
• Ashwamedha Yagna, in which a horse is let loose to roam around a kingdom or even a country, and where everybody except the horse is sumptuously fed, and where nobody cares if the horse is dead or lost in the end. Usually the hapless horse ends up as a provocation for royal warfare or as meat on the royal palate.
• Patkar Medha Yagna, which is along the lines of Ashwamedha yagna, but is much more environmentally friendly, following the principles laid down by the environmental activist Medha Patkar.
• Brahmasutra Yagna, in which verses from the Brahmanas and the Dharma Sutras are mixed in a heady cocktail that few will ever understand, but yet is very beneficial for the welfare of mankind.

Narrative 5 : When the Ahwamedha yaga of King Dasaratha was going on, the Devas led by Indra went to Brahma the creator. They complained to him about the troubles and harassment done by Ravana.

Question 5: In what ways was Ravana harassing Indra and his devas? The choices are:

• Ravana and his asuras were gate-crashing the booze-parties of Indra and Devas and stealing the som-ras and other exotic drinking spirits.
• Ravana with the help of his demoniac hordes was, with frequent invasions of Swarg-loka, seizing and relocating the heavenly distilleries to Lanka, and spiriting away Apsaras for entertainment in Lanka
• Ravana’s asuras were frequently eve-teasing Apsaras of the Deva-Loka, with Ravana himself having a two-timing affair with Urvashi and Menaka, and with these damsels falling for Ravana’s dark handsome looks and his manly bushy moustache, making the clean-shaven chocolate-boy Indra go red in the face.
• With his frequent plunders of the Swarga-Loka’s ill-deserved riches and wealth, Ravana was enriching his kingdom of Lanka and delivering prosperity and good life to his people.

Narrative 6 : Brahma listened to them and said , Yes, Ravana cannot be killed by any devas, or danavas or gandharvas, or yaksha, or any rakshasas. However because of his arrogance he forgot to get immunity to be killed by a man. And that his how he will be killed said , Brahma.

Question 6: What does this reveal about Brahma and Ravana and the wisdom of the gods?. The choices are:

• Brahma, usually the dim-wit god who is generous with the grant of boons to any and every Asura under the sun is smart enough to hide the fine print of the conditions and exclusions of his boons.
• Ravana is not an intelligent consumer of the boons and does not insist on proper disclosures from Brahma and does not read any fine prints
• All it should have taken the supposedly almighty Vishnu was to send his Sudarshan chakra spinning towards Ravana and sever his head. But then God is not supposed to make things easy, and how else could the suffering of a yawn-a-thon of an epic like Ramayana be inflicted on an already suffering humanity?
• Vishnu, the Lord of Lords had an attack of amnesia and forgot that he was none of the devas, or danavas or gandharvas, or yaksha, or rakshasas himself. But this memory blunder of Vishnu proved to be very costly and a resulted in a tragic ordeal for people like Lakshmana and his wife and the hapless Sita whose kidnapping could have been totally averted.

Narrative 7: While they were talking thus, Lord Narayana came there with his shankha , chakra ,he was seated on Garuda. Brahma requested to him to be born as a son to the king Dasaratha and also told that four sons will be born to the king. He requested Lord Narayana let all the four sons be the Amsas of you. Your avatara will be of immense help to the mankind and also for us.

Skeptical wisecrack : So Vishnu was born as Rama, his Sudarshan Chakra was born as Lakshmana, the conch was reborn as Bharata and his mace took birth as Shatrugn. In all this re-birthing privilege rigmarole, Vishnu’s wedding ring to Lakshmi felt left out and started sulking. Vishnu pacified it by promising that it to be reborn as a wedding ring in the Janaka’s queen’s jewelry collection and till such time to adorn his couch, Seshanaag as its nose-ring. But even more upset than that was Vishnu’s chauffeur, the mighty Garuda miffed at being excluded threatened to go on a strike or defect to Shiva’s camp.

Question 7: How did Vishnu pacify Garuda? The choices are:

• Gave him the responsibility and privilege of house-keeping of Vaikunth, keeping an eye on Sheshanaag, plumbing the Ocean of Milk and ensuring that their abode does not become history in the sea-bed of the Milky Ocean.
• Choice of re-birth as the infant, toddler and child Rama’s favorite toys, teethers and rattles.
• Be reborn as King Dasaratha’s wheel-chair and other mobility devices in his ripe old age.
• Take birth as Sita’s pet doe, which will be her playmate during her forest honeymoon exile, and which the fickle Sita will ignore for the gold-plated deer of the illusory kind.
• Being born as the unfortunate king of Vultures, Jatayu, and get the privilege of moksha after being brutally hacked by Ravana on this way back from the kidnapping of Sita.

Narrative 8:  Lord Narayana listened to the words of Brahma, and said that I have decided to be born in the world of men and I will destroy Ravana and his entire clan . After killing him, I will rule the world for 11,000 yrs.

Question 8: The only problem here is Sri Narayana did not specify which world he would be ruling for 11,000 yrs. Surely it cannot be our world. Let us make some ‘informed’ guesses. The choices are:

• He is still ruling over the Rahu-Ketu planet, because it is a planet that exists only in the Vedic or Puranic planetary system.
• He is still the unquestioned ruler and king of the Ikshvaku or Raghuvanshi solar system, which could very well be halfway between Satan’s infernal Hell and Viswamitra’s Trishanku Swarga.
• He could still be ruling over the deluded minds and hearts of Rama-bhaktas, hindutva crazies conscripted by Bajrang Sena, Bajrang Dal, and Ramayana hang-over addicts and hangers-on of all the saffron and white stripes.

Narrative 9: To assist me in this avatara, he told the devas that they will also be born in the world of men as Monkeys as Ravana had forgotten to ask for immunity of death from monkeys.

Question 9: Lets see what caused Ravana to make such a critical omission. The choices are:

• In his hurry to take the boons and get going with them, Ravana forget to add riders to his boon from Brahma, especially in the light of the ape’s ancestral connection with humanity.
• Ravana was an animal lover and probably had a suicidal wish to die at the hands of a bunch of apes and be re-born as a monkey himself in his next birth.
• Even though he knew he might meet with death at the hands of the monkeys, he could not resist the lure of the opportunity of setting fire to a monkey’s tail, a dream of his that was fulfilled when he caught Hanuman in the act of infiltrating his kingdom
• To reduce unemployment in the Deva-loka and put the idling and begging Devas to work, Vishnu though it best to dispatch these wastrels to do some monkeying in Kishkinda and beyond.

Narrative 10: The Putrakama yaga came to an end . From the fire came a divine form. The divine form held in his hands a bowl with a silver covering.

Question 10: Who was this mysterious divine being? The choices are:

• Dhanvantari, the celestial vintner and vendor of the heavenly spirits like Soma-ras, from which modern French wines have evolved, Home-ras, that dual-purpose spirit used in Homes, and Homas and Foam-ras, from which modern carbonated beverages have evolved. He is also a holder for a non-expiring patent on the nectar of immortality called amrit.
• Gunvantari, who is a close cousin of Dhanvantari and is the dispenser of the Gunas of Prakriti, which is at the heart of vedic wisdom. Curiously, most Hindus are unaware of this very crucial celestial being who holds the aces of the Gunas up his sleeve.
• Grinvantari, who is the father-in-law of Gunvantari and is so called as he is known to keep grinning from ear to ear, amused at the folly of many misguided millions falling for the nonsense contained in many religious scriptures.
• Phonevantari, the celestial communications demi-god, who holds the hot-lines to ‘Moksha’, ‘Nirvana’ and ‘Self-Realization’ cosmic connections. He has six hands and two legs. On five hands, he holds a land-phone, a cell-phone, I-phone, Video-Cam and an I-Pad, and the sixth hand is stretched out to receive commissions and donations.

Narrative 11: Sage Vishvamitra told the king about the Yaga he was performing and the troubles he has to suffer from the rakshasas who could take any form any time. I cannot curse them because there is no place for anger when I am doing this yaga.

Question 11: Why were the Rakshasas troubling Sage Vishvamitra and his Yaga (Yagna)? The choices are:

• The asuras were bored, and having nothing else to do in their life, loved to kill their time by ransacking Vishwamitra’s hermitage and dousing his beloved Yagna fires.
• As their target of vandalism, the Rakshasas could not find any other place in the whole wide world and Bharat (India), than the hermitage of Sage Vishvamitra in some obscure wilderness of a forest.
• The Rakshasas had their eye on the plants for opium and cocaine that Sage Vishvamitra was surreptitiously growing in the nurseries of his hermitage under the camouflage of desert cactus and herbal plants. And the Rakshasas got wind of the fact that the real purpose of the Yagna was to materialize a magical electric fence around the opium and cocaine bushes.
• Rakshasas who were peacefully living in an adjacent forest had their picnics disturbed by the high-decibel mantras of Vishvamitra’s yagnas as well as made to suffer from eye-burn and health disorders caused by the smoke and pollution of the Yagna fires.

Narrative 12: When they reached the southern bank of the river Sarayu, sage Vishvamitra told Rama to take water in his palms and he taught him the mantras Bala and Prabala. They are the daughters of Brahmaji, the creator. You will never feel tired nor hunger will trouble you nor thirst will trouble you.

Question 12: What do these mantras signify about Vishvamitra and Brahma or about this epic for that matter?. The choices are

• Vishwamitra was either very lazy or very stingy, or maybe both, as he did not want to make, carry or purchase any food for this disciples during this long journey to his Yagna, and decided to pass this buck onto the nonsensical mantras of Bala and Prabala.
• If the conches and maces of Vishnu can take birth as princes, why may the daughters of a prolific creator like Brahma not transform themselves into Solarian or breatherian mantras to fill the breaths and stomachs of Vishnu’s avatars.
• Vishwamitra was one of the foremost pioneers of Solarian or breatherian scams that are re-appearing in the current age. He concocted some weird mantras to palm off to his trusting disciples as placebos for hunger and thirst.
• Use of Bala and Prabala mantra smoke-screen were Vishwamitra’s contingency plan to deal with food shortage during the journey and also in the event of any plunder of his hermitage by the Asuras.

Narrative 13: The yaga proceeded with out any trouble for the first five days. But on the sixth day all of the sudden there was a lot of commotion . Rama and Lakshmana knew that these are the works of the rakshasas. Rama took up the astra by the name manavastra and aimed it at the rakshasa by the name Marichi. The astra struck marichi and threw him about hundred yojanas in to the sea but it did not kill him .

Question 13: What do these signify about the Rakshasa strategy, weaponry or about this epic for that matter?. The choices are:

• Rakshasas are as superstitious as sages or Gods, only their superstition seems to work in reverse. So they probably chose the 6th day of the yagna, being inauspicious enough to thwart it.
• Rakshasas obviously saw no point in spoiling the yagna in its infancy. They wanted Vishwamitra and his sagely hordes to go hoarse in their throat with their screeching mantra chants, burn enough midnight yagna oil and get their lips tantalizingly close enough before snatching away their cup of achievement.
• Mythical astras or weapons seem to follow the rules of fantasy more than technology. Since we don’t know of a danavastra, the weapon may as well be manavastra, which seems more a circus catapult or trampoline that throws its victims a hundred yojanas away, than an arrow of any effective use.

Narrative 14: King Janaka narrated as to how the bow came to be with him , and he also spoke about his daughter Sita, who was found as a beautiful child from the mother earth, when he was preparing the earth for doing a yaga. That is why she is named Sita, and whoever is able to lift the bow, Sita will be their bride.

Skeptical wisecrack: Though Janaka does not specify, we can infer that he is referring to the Shiva Danush. If you are inclined to trust Puranic babel, the bow apparently passed from Shiva to Parashurama and then to King Janaka. Then again let’s not question why a nemesis of Kshatriyas like Parashurama would give the bow to a Kshatriya like Janaka whether as a gift or for safe-keeping. One is also apt to wonder that Janaka’s season of gifts did not end with the bow, with Sita also ending up as his gift from Mother Earth.

Question 14: Why did Parashurama give the bow to Janaka, and why did Janaka use it for Sita Svyamvar? The choices are:

• After Shiva took a fancy for his trishul, his other mrityunjaya-mantra powered yantras and weapons like bows, arrows, quivers, spears, daggers, sling-shots and swords started gathering dust and rust, turning Shiva-loka into a junkyard of rapidly corroding metal. Already having turned blue in his throat, Shiva did not want to hazard the risk of swallowing the rust and choking on it, and thought it best to palm off the heaviest Shiva Danush to Parashurama who was anyway too groggy-eyed and dazed after a 1000 year penance to notice Shiva’s trickery.
• By the time Parashurama realized the con-job of Shiva, he had carried the bow too far and too long and it was high time for his next 1000 year penance. After dusting all the rust and crap of the bow, and from his shoulders and hands, and fearing ferric poisoning from any further contact, he thought it best to entrust the bow to King Janaka for safe-keeping since he was the only King ready to promise a chromium-plating of the bow.
• Around the time of Sita’s impending marriage King Janaka got the news that Parashurama had been rudely awakened from his 1000 year penance by snowstorms, hailstorms and landslides in his Himalayan forest abode, and just missed having his throat slit by his own axe that was voilently swirling in the winds, was rushing to Mithila to save his life and reclaim his bow. To get around the promise and expense of chromium-plating the bow, King Janaka put up the rusting bow as a sacrificial lamb for Sita Svyamvar in the hope that the very act of stringing the bow would break it into two.
• King Janaka was eager to get rid of the bow since carrying around and maintaining this heavyweight bow was proving to be a big drain on the royal treasury.

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2. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part II
3. Gems from Chinmayananda – The Spiritual Inanity series, Part III
4. To Err Is Human – A Skeptical Reading Of The Ramayana
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The Gayatri Mantra is a primal force in the Universe. The scientific nature of it has been explained by an ecstatic soul sometime back in the incoherent past. Allow me to demonstrate how the art of pseudoscience was put to use in the creation of that exalted piece of literature.

Step 1: Start with the stating of known facts. Here they are about the stars and planets of the Milky Way galaxy:

The modern astrophysics and astronomy tell us that our Galaxy called Milky Way or Akash-Ganga contains approximately 100,000 million of stars. Each star is like our sun having its own planet system. We know that the moon moves round the earth and the earth moves round the sun along with the moon. All planets round the sun.

Step 2: Make a subtle transition from the logical to the illogical:

Bhur the earth, bhuvah the planets (solar family), swah the Galaxy. We observe that when an ordinary fan with a speed of 900 RPM (rotations Per minute) moves, it makes noise. Then, one can imagine, what great noise would be created when the galaxies move with a speed of 20,000 miles per second.

The statement that a fast rotating fan makes some noise is a fact. But that happens only when there is a medium to conduct sound. If a fan rotates in vacuum, whatever its speed be, there will be no sound. By ignoring the fact that sound needs a medium to propagate, the author has subtly made a transition into the illogical by stating that a rotating galaxy also makes a sound implicitly assuming that it propagates through vacuum.

Step 3: Now that the illogical has been established as a fact, use it to declare a truth:

This is what this portion of the mantra explains that the sound produced due to the fast-moving earth, planets and galaxies is Om. The sound was heard during meditation by Rishi Vishvamitra, who mentioned it too their colleagues. All of them, then unanimously decided to call this sound Om the name of God, because this sound is available in all the three periods of time, hence it is set (permanent).

Step 4: Spice it up with more scientific sounding terms and some non-sequiturs:

This sound Om heard during samadhi was called by all the seers nada-Brahma a very great noise), but not a noise that is normally beyond a specific amplitude and limits of decibels suited to human hearing. Hence the rishis called this sound Udgith musical sound of the above, i.e., heaven.

They also noticed that the infinite mass of galaxies moving with a velocity of 20,000 miles/second was generating a kinetic energy= 1/2MV2 and this was balancing the total energy consumption of the cosmos.Hence they named it Pranavah, which means the body (vapu) or storehouse of energy (prana).

Step 5: Finally reinterpret the original text with the illogically concluded facts:

The earth (bhur), the planets (bhuvah), and the galaxies (swah) are moving at a very great velocity, the sound produced is Om, (the name of formless God.) That God (tat), who manifests Himself in the form of light of suns (savitur) is worthy of bowing / respect (varenyam). We all, therefore, should meditate (dheemahi) upon the light (bhargo) of that deity (devasya) and also do chanting of Om. May He (yo) guide in right direction (prachodayat) our (nah) intellect (dhiyo).

There it is. A holy-five-step-program to make anything sound true. It is guaranteed to bring you joy and happiness and more importantly, money. Interested souls can prostrate before me and I will teach a much more potent form of that art.

Discuss this article on our forums here.

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As Manu Joseph, a journalist from Bangalore, said “The sentiments of the rational are hurt everyday by believers”. The depravity and moral ignorance preached by the various religious faiths are the scourge of humanity. It is essential that we challenge these beliefs. But we do so peacefully, using our constitutional right and duty to promote truth and defend our fellow women and men. In these times that we live in today, it is essential that we challenge the idea that dangerous ideologues can gang up on innocent civilians who are simply expressing harmless ideas with the desire to create a better future for all. It is essential that we strive for a society where we differentiate between people and the ideas that they hold onto. It is essential that we create a future where these ideas are held up to scrutiny and exposed if found wanting. And it is essential that people are respected and cherished for their innate goodness.

In response to ‘Everybody Draw Muhammad Day’, 2010, here are a few images of the Islamic prophet Muhammad. Our disclaimer is that these images are not intended to outrage religious feelings or any class or group of people. There is no malice in our intentions. All we wish to do is to preserve artistic freedom by celebrating the rights that our democratic constitution grants us. We strongly condemn any acts of violence and any incitement towards that end. This is a privately owned website with a select group of subscribers, and this article is not distributed anywhere in hard-copy. Nobody is under any obligation to read the articles. Everything we do here is in strict accordance to the Constitution of India, and in the interest of the country and people that we hold dear.

Rajesh's reproduction of a 15th century painting of Mohammed by Persian Islamic scholar al-Biruni.

By Jen

By Bala

'Science Be Upon Us'- Basava Premanand as Muhammad, by Rakhi

EMOHAMMED By Noor

By Ajita Kamal

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As has been said before, one craves more for what one has been deprived of, and sex is the one thing that has been denied to all these categories. It is not that such behaviour does not occur between followers of other religions in similar circumstances, but their number is significantly less and hence does not hit the headlines as often. However, some such acts have been reported among Jains and Buddhists too.

The behaviour of Nityananda whose tapes have been played ad nauseum on some of the TV channels has been justified as consensual sex and that being caught on video has been said to be invasion of his privacy. The saffron robed pimp who has been caught in Delhi can get away with lack of evidence. But, more despicable is the act of the Roman Catholic clergy who have traumatised innocent children and probably scarred their psyche for life. No number of apologies from Vatican can remove this trauma from the minds of these children who have been betrayed by the very guardians of the religion whose deity was supposed to be watching over and protecting children! Well that brings us to sex and the jihadis- what do they have in common? If one recalls most of the jihadis are young boys brain washed into sacrificing their lives for a trip to heaven where they can indulge in carnal delights to their hearts content with dozens of virgins who will remain in that state regardless of the number of times they indulge in sex!

Why do religions have this obsession with sex and prescribe celibacy for their so called enlightened? Many of the so called preachers have to lead very austere lives- with exceptions of course! If you take the Roman Catholic clergy only delights that are forbidden to them are that of indulging in sex! They can enjoy all other luxuries in open, while the forbidden one could be indulged in secretly or with unsuspecting children. There is a saying- If you want gay nights and good dinners, dine with saints and bed with sinners! The Roman Catholic Church believes in prescribing abstinence in only one department. The same is applicable to many of the so called Swamijis and Jagadgurus of the religious establishments in our country. The jewellery that they wear would put to shame the brides of the wealthiest of our land. All this is excused as the desire of the devotees. Probably the same could be the excuse for indulgence in sex too. If a devotee desires the same, what is wrong with fulfilling their desires? Thus would run the argument of the defenders of these swamijis!

Not to be left out of the debate on moral degradation of the saffron robed, the squeaky voiced one who teaches people to breathe and the one who has made millions by indulging in contortions and thumbing his nose at people joined the debate by demanding strictest of the punishment for those who call themselves as swamis and indulge in such immoral activities. What about those who call themselves as that and indulge in land grabbing, extortion and such rackets? What about those who promise cures for everything under the sun without a shred of evidence to support their claims? They would naturally be silent on these issues as these are precisely the things in which they indulge!

Why should ‘celibacy’ be prescribed for these people? One argument of the saffron brigade would be that suppression of sexual urges leads the diversion of this energy to other channels and this is supposed to be the reason for the extraordinary shine on their faces and the rest of the body. The Roman Catholic Church may talk about the original sin and the need to be kept away from it. There are quite a few cults who prescribe celibacy for their followers. One young lady who was the follower of such a cult called Brahma Kumaris Ishwariya Vidyalaya had attended one of our five day workshops for miracle exposure. After tolerating her presence for a few days, I asked her a question about Brahmacharya prescribed by her cult. She replied that it would lead one closer to god etc, as brainwashed by her cult. I had to ask her where she would have been if her parents were celibate? She had no reply but mumbled vaguely. Then I asked her whether her cult forbids breathing, eating etc. her reply was in the negative. In that case why should they forbid only one biological activity, that too which is very much needed for the continuance of the race? Of course, my pointed questions resulted in her absence from the program from the very next day. She was a very junior activist of that cult. The more well-known people like the Nobel peace prize aspirant squeaky voice and the contortionist have more convoluted excuses for celibacy and justify by it by various ‘reasons’. This abstinence theory is more of a Christian import as it is the biblical concept of ‘original sin’ of Eve that has labeled reproductive activity as a curse of God! This idea of abstinence from sex or Brahmacharya was also promoted by Mohandas Karamachand Gandhi as one of the most desirable of virtues, probably induced by the guilt in his mind that he was indulging in that when his father had died.

Well, this leads us to the question of the sexual indulgences of the so called renunciates. Is it illegal? Well if seen from a legal point of view, sexual intercourse between two consenting adults of the same or different genders is not a crime. There are laws on adultery applicable if the woman indulging in heterosexual activity is married, but if she is not, then it cannot be called as anything illegal.  However one has to note that these sections on adultery are gender specific- they are applicable to the woman only! It does not matter if the man is married! The supreme court has come to this same conclusion about the cases filed against an actor in Tamilnadu for advocating premarital sex. It may be recalled that cases had been filed against this lady for making a public statement to that effect a few years back. There had been demonstrations by women’s groups and a number of cases filed against her all over Tamil Nadu just to harass her. The judgment in her special leave petition filed at the Supreme Court had quashed all these cases and had also pronounced that sexual activity between consenting adults cannot be construed as a criminal offence. We have to see what the Dals and Senas of our district have to say about it. Their view is that even being together or speaking to each other in a public place is an offence, and the police act like agents of these people. This sense of outrage is even more when the male belongs to another community and the female is a Hindu!

We do agree that the clergy of all religions are human like all of us. If they are, then it would behove them to act like humans and not like superhumans. Let them give up their hypocrisy about these things and stop giving themselves fancy names and fancier titles. They should not demand or get any exemptions from any laws of the land and get facilities at subsidised rates or free and land at throwaway prices. Often, they are the repositories of the ill gotten wealth of corrupt politicians since they are exempt from tax raids. Let them be treated exactly like us ordinary mortals and then we shall agree that they too can indulge in those activities in which we do! When this is the case, women shall treat them like they do other males and no one will think that the children are safe with them. If all these happen I am sure that their robes shall lose their charms and they will be categorised as the ordinary mortals that we are. The shine on their faces due to the austerities that they allegedly practice will disappear and from Brahamacharis they will become sansaris like all of us!

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