Humor

Men mansplain how I ruined feminism for myself

Another gem by the meninism folks is this article [1]. First of all, I wasn’t even aware that certain people had the ability to ruin a movement. I mean if it were that easy the British really should be ashamed they got cowed down by the tea party incident. Really Britain, you should just hand over your cool card.

The people over at mensxp are greatly troubled about the important issues of feminism, the greatly worry-some issues of make-up, bus seats and of course, who should pay on a date. It warms my heart to see such great concern for these really troubling instances of disparity between the two sexes. I mean of course they are concerned. And we need to have an all-around debate of it! There must be rules. It’s just not feasible that two people decide how they would pay on a date amongst themselves. Gasp! What if the woman pays and does not feel obligated to a second date? Or even worse what if the man pays, but she still does not put out? Yes, we must discuss! On to the very serious issues plaguing our lives…

  1. Seat Reservation.

The first in the list is of course bus/train seat reservations. Again. Seriously, how many times do we have to go over this? No one demanded seat reservation. It was brought about because it was deemed necessary. Because men couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And again, yes I get it, not all men. But the person being accosted doesn’t know that. Again, Schrodinger’s Rapist[2]. Read it. Learn it. Love it.

“The reserved seat doesn’t make men respect a woman”

If a man needs a seat to afford a woman basic respect and courtesy, thank you, but I can do without.

“It instead sends out a message that she is weak, incapable and incompetent.”

Really? I think it’s weak you value the comfort of your butt enough to actually consider this a serious issue. You know what, let’s make a deal. You guarantee a world where no woman is assaulted on a public transport, I will make sure you get reservation-less buses. Hell, I will even fund a just-for men bus, specially for you. Deal? No?

“A stronger security system makes so much sense”

Indeed it does. An infallible one, even better. So I guess the authors of this article will fund it. Till they do, I guess we are all stuck with a small fraction of reserved seats and a much larger proportion of wandering hands.

 

  1. Women should just shut up. Period.

“The more you shout the less you’ll be heard. And, that’s exactly where a lot of feminists have gone wrong”

Of course! I mean why should we, the women, dare to speak up, much less shout, about our issues. I mean don’t we realize the menfolk have much more important things to do, like catching up on the latest ISL match? Why should they struggle their eardrums with our issues, or even bother deciphering capslocked words. I mean, obviously, that’s just too demanding. Of course we can’t insult chauvinistic pigs who explain in detail to us what they would like to do to our mouths. We deserve it! How dare we open a hole for anything other than swallowing. Because of course it’s our job to patiently explain why we feel we need equal opportunities. But remember not to get impatient if logic can’t penetrate their superiority complex. Just get some tea and go clean the house.

Snark aside, I’m all for debates and discussions, but ask yourself this, are you ready to listen? Because way too many ‘discussions’ have devolved into a game of who-can-insult-the-speaker-more.

 

  1. Some woman did something bad. Hence all of them are assholes

“A considerably large amount of women who identify themselves as feminists switch sides as per their convenience.”

The fact that some guy just used this argument is rich. I’ll borrow that line men use so many times. What’s that one? Right at the tip of my tongue.

Oh yeah, not all [wo]men.

Really, I figured this would be a no-brainer. Yes there are asshole women who take advantage of the system. Please recall each not-at-all-men argument you have heard/said and apply the logic here.

 

  1. Bus Seat Reservation is a relevant issue, but being made to feel ashamed for a Woman’s biological body is not.

Was the author of this article suffering from brain damage when it was being written?

“But issues like ‘why should I be hiding my bra strap’ and ‘why should I cover my pack of sanitary napkin in black bag’ always take the limelight.  While most of them are of course, valid arguments, and important in their own relevance, they do trivialize the movement”

So they are valid arguments, but they trivialize the movement? Just…how…?

Ignoring the ridiculousness of this portion, let me ask you, WHY do they get the limelight? Think for a moment. Ask yourself. Because no one sees a Bra as another piece of clothing that is required. No one sees a sanitary napkin as an essential item, like a band aid. No. They are objects of sexuality, hence objects of gratification. Change THAT mindset, and every problem is solved.

Have you ever seen a man being ridiculed or ogled because his vest is showing? Or because his underwear is poking out of his jeans. Ever? Imagine the same happening to a woman. Am I the only one hearing the imaginary catcalls?

“The ‘My Choice’ video supported infidelity”

Oh for F—‘s sake, learn English. No it did not. It said and I quote, “Sex outside of marriage”. Pre marital sex, post-marital sex. Open relationships. Any sex outside of marriage. Yet all of you did the exact thing this video told you not to. Vilify sex unless it is in the marriage bed and only for procreation. Slow Clap

 

  1. Not All Men, But Definitely All Women

“You cannot insult a whole gender on the basis of a few culprits”

Yet the author did just that.

 

  1. Dude…feminism is the new thing

No it isn’t. It is a really old thing. And it has never ever been actually popular thanks to, in fact, people like you. Who continue to oppose it.

“Feminism has become a fad more than a revolution.”

Oh yes, fighting for equal rights, demanding respect, all the while being ridiculed by misogynist assholes for your principles is so cool. And let’s not forget, if I am a feminist, that means I’m modern and must be willing to put out. Otherwise I’m just a pretend one…and a bitch. Do you understand now why we have such frequent headaches?

“It is cool to be a feminist and you’re liberated only if you’re wearing the tiniest clothes, partying till late, being a rebel for no reason and working late hours in the office. And any woman who doesn’t fall into this particular definition of empowerment is looked at with either pity and sympathy or just hate. “

Remember when the author said it’s wrong to stereotype an entire gender? Well lookee lookee!

Also apparently, they want more housewives. How about house-husbands? If a man makes that choice, with no back up money, experience, or living arrangements will this same author completely applaud that? Remember equal opportunities. 

It’s not about hating on women who want to be housewives. No one wants to be a housewife, not the actual meaning of it anyway. Drudgery and work 24×7, no rest, no income and no praise. That is being a housewife. However, if someone has the means to avoid the drudgery, and simply doesn’t wish to get a job, I am no one to judge that choice. I would simply recommend, and this is a personal opinion, having a backup option. Because life is cruel, and if your spouse (husband or wife) decides to go the patented asshole route, remember, labour-of-love isn’t a divisible asset.

 

  1. We aren’t getting our privilege. Clearly feminists hate men!

Ahh no. It isn’t saddening to see all women bashing men (as the authors claim), because WE DON’T SEE IT. What is truly saddening to see is how one article can have no consistency at all. Did the author realize they linked an article in their intro that stated feminism isn’t misandry? Or did they just forget that bit?

I’m reminded of that line from the Social Network, “You’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole”

It’s not hard to see why the authors see misandry everywhere. They can’t justify the fact that they are in fact the problem that plagues most of us, assholes who thinks they’re being liberal but are just another cog in the patriarchal machine. And it is not because you’re a man that you see most women hate you. It is because you are you. Remember Rahul Bose from Dil Dhadakne Do? You’re that guy.

 

  1. I want to pay for dates…but I want to complain about it too

“A lot of us offer to pay the bill only because we want to be nice on a date”

Am I reading this right? This is, in fact from the same website which published the Don’t Manscriminate post saying they want women to pay too? Wow, clearly consistency doesn’t matter. At all.

I honestly don’t get it. The author wants to pay a bill on a date..and this is related to feminism, how? Are we somehow stealing their right to spend money? Which idiot started that? We need to have a serious discussion on our next steal-men’s-right meeting. This was not sanctioned!

Seriously though, how hard it is to talk to your partner about this? Money is an issue in all relationships, and no two person will feel the same about it. If you can’t agree with your date about something as simple as the bill, maybe you realize s/he is not the one? Laying this at feminism’s door is ridiculous in itself.

Also apparently, the comedians in the group are unhappy people don’t find their jokes funny. Again, how is this connected to feminism…? Oh no wait, I get it, they want to crack sexist jokes in peace and not be called on it. Let me keep this simple. Would you crack a slavery joke about a black guy? No. That’s why your women jokes are sexist. If you want to be funny, be funny. It’s not our problem if your stand-up routine is inspired from KRK.

 

  1. Let’s make up facts, no one will notice

“Most rape and dowry cases registered in India are false.

I would love to review the statistics for that statement. Meanwhile here are the actual numbers: [3]

A single year (2012) reported nearly 25000 cases of rape, and it is estimated that that this number 0.002% of the actual rapes occurring. That means nearly 1.25 billion rapes occur in a year. India has a population of 1.252 billion. Statistically speaking, forget the ‘false’ rapes, most women do not get away with just one assault. Of course that is not even counting marital rapes, which is still legal and plain molestation without penetration (which is legally not rape). Assuming even 20% of those rape cases are true (an incorrect assumption since it’s closer to 90%) that still leaves us with 250 million too many. Any more ‘facts’ you want to make up?

“Laws are biased towards women”

Really? REALLY? How the hell can laws be biased? Did it say anywhere women shall get more benefits and salary? No. Did any law state women do not have to serve time for any offence that a man must? Nope. Then did it claim women must receive more presents on birthday? Pretty sure that’s not it.

Our ‘enlightened’ authors need to understand the difference between laws and the legal system. A law must be, and is, unbiased based as it is on facts. The legal system on the other hand is subject to manipulation by any person with the means, but that would another issue entirely, one in no way related to feminism. And the ‘biased law’ the author had in mind, I’m pretty sure that was Section 498a of the IPC. Considering I’m sure the neanderthals who make such stupid statements would never read this, I don’t know why I am explaining this, but for the sake of clarity I am.

The section states: “Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty.—Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be pun­ished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine.” [4]

Cruelty, torture as in that thing that is illegal. It does not give any woman ‘advantage’. It is simply an avenue for women to seek an immediate redressal of their grievances, something that tortured brides could not do before this. Do I need to spout off unpleasant but very real instances of bridal torture to make people understand why this law is so important? I would rather not. No need for you to barf over your very expensive keyboard. I mean, why should the authors worry about some woman meeting their worst nightmare at the beginning of what should be the happiest day of their life? As long as the authors get a seat in the bus, they are happy.

“Not that acknowledging the truth would change anything, but it would definitely build the trust factor between the two genders.”

Hold up. I didn’t realize we were drafting foreign policy between two nation states. Because that’s exactly what it sounds like. Two nations destined to hate each other, the generals shaking hands between their borders, flanked by their own genders. Did the authors not realize how ridiculous this is? We don’t need a non-aggression treaty. We just need to not be assholes ourselves, not stereotype people and to be respectful of others, something the authors have failed miserably in so far.

 

  1. I know what’s right so shut up

The rest of this article is more of the same. Mainly we have the authors spouting off their own opinion as fact. Feminism supports matriarchy, if the authors were to believed. Thankfully, like the rest of the article their dart is again way off the bull’s eye. Once again, the Feminism is not misandry, anyone who says otherwise is lying.

I am now convinced this article was written by Dory from Finding Nemo. Nothing but severe short term memory loss can explain so many inconsistent repetitions. It’s basically more of the same. Stereotyping an entire gender, women picking on men, hence all women are bad. For an article which starts off about how generalization is bad, it sure does a lot of that. (By the way, I liked the heavily edited shots of beautiful women looking contemplative. When in doubt of content, pretty it up. Smart move.)

Isn’t it funny how terrified the authors are that Feminism will be able to put matriarchy as the defining social structure (it doesn’t seek to, but that’s besides the point), yet they are perfectly comfortable if patriarchy retains its place. Why wouldn’t they be? If Matriarchy were to function as Patriarchy does, they would be relegated to the oppressed roles women have been forced to occupy for centuries. A taste of their own medicine, and already they are up in arms, no wonder they fear the entire bottle.

Fortunately for them, feminism isn’t a movement that wants supremacy. It wants equality. If someone says otherwise, they are wrong, plain and simple. A movement cannot be derailed because certain members hop on to a different train, nor can it be stopped because it hurt the author’s feelings. If women had cared about that, we still wouldn’t have had the right to vote. This is a message to women, as well as to men. Think about that will you, when you claim you are not a feminist (I’m looking at you, Parineeti). The countless women fighting over generations, the feminists, are the reason we have the right to vote, to marry on our own terms, to read, study, hold jobs. To basically be considered human beings. And you are turning your back on that.

You know what is actually trendy, what the celebrities are doing? Claiming not to be feminists, because that’s easier than sticking to your ideal. And it is truly saddening to see young women proudly claim to be not a feminist without even understanding what they are declining. The fact that you even get to have that opinion, any opinion is because feminists before you made it possible.

History lecture aside, if you believe in equality, you are a feminist. Plain and simple. The ideal cannot be changed no matter how many meninism articles sprout up claiming otherwise. In fact, let’s inspect that claim as a whole. You don’t think feminism is failing, nor do you want to help it. What you want is to stop the less palatable aspects of feminism and conform them to better benefit you.

Sure, you are an ardent opposer of female foeticide. (Why wouldn’t you be? If the female to male ratio does not rise you might actually have to try to woo women, which judging by how often you claim women hate you, is a very difficult task. Can you just imagine having to actually compete with men who are not neanderthals like you and can actually respect their partner?) But the minute it inconveniences you and encroaches on your right to the top, you are up in arms. Face it, gentlemen, you are not entitled to the world. And your excuse for highlighting all things you want to change in feminism to better benefit you is just that, and excuse to hold on to your supremacy. You claim to want to ‘save it’ but it doesn’t need saving, not from you. What you, my dear, are trying to do is bury it into the ground face first and put a round of bullets into it all the while shouting about your own heroism.

I hate to shatter your rose-tinted glasses, but you are not the hero. You are just the patriarchy-appointed butcher, chopping where told all the while believing you are supplying meat to the needy. And while you are (maybe unknowingly) trying your hardest, no one can ‘destroy feminism’, not till every person alive stops believing in it, in equality and in their right to live as an equal to everyone else, not even you.

 

About the author

HungryHippo

I am a very vocal feminist, atheist and a passionate bookworm with a perpetual case of the munchies (the name should clue you in to the last part). I study engineering but social studies and politics always fascinated me. I am a firm believer in freedom of expression.

1 Comment

  • Great points – it is quite unfortunate how widespread the ideas (misconceptions, biases) in the mensxp article are.

    While I thought you got most of it spot on, I think you are being slightly insensitive there when you talk about stay-at-home partners. “No one wants to be a housewife, not the actual meaning of it anyway.” I don’t think you should presume that your meaning of ‘it’ is the same as everyone else’s. Several women (and housewives and feminists) think it’s rewarding (although we should do a better job rewarding) to spend their time with kids, run a home or engage in non-remunerative causes/activities. To be fair, you do say that you are no one to judge people who choose to be home makers and it is of course sound advice to be self-sufficient if things go sour.

    One day hopefully these men will realize feminism is a patriarchy-smashing project, not a man-bashing one.

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