Pseudoscience & Religion

Converting a Cripple

Perambur of all places in Chennai isn’t the best place to be around, specifically should you have intentions for executing thought based actions and induce rationality whilst decision making or for that matter, merely survive or make unseemingly funny attempts at it while being bedmates with cerebral palsy. Should your instinctive temperament immediately cause you to raise questions like “Then how on earth did you survive?” I shall be exceedingly delighted to answer such profound questions of this universe, over a couple of large Grey Goose at your expense, once the new 7 star hotel the city of Chennai desperately needs, has been constructed and the bar doors are open. However such a deal may come with the clause that post my 3rd large of vodka, the possibility of me saying anything making sense, is pretty much equivalent to Deepak Chopra discussing quantum physics with Stephen Hawking.

What is more obscene? Being born into a Tamil Brahmin family where the idea of bramhinical superiority is piped down to your head from day one or be inspired by the stories of your grandfather’s bible teacher in the Ooty convent school that he studied and thereby volunteering to sing center main for the Anglo-Indian schools choir for 9 odd years and top it up with bible studies while passing every bible exam with a distinction? My frontal cortex fails to comprehend and arrive at an explanation till date. Nevertheless, back here in 2012 the greatest inspiration for implementing the most successful business model and an almost fool proof strategy for revenue generation, I shall award, to the Christian Church. However, my only disappointment is that, they failed miserably to convert me to their clan, even while I had appetite in abundance to consume intellectual fecal matter with excruciating joy and contentment.


As the good samaritan I have always tried to be in life, I thought I would take a couple of minutes from my very short and precious life (to spend in futility, probably) trying to improve your organizations strategy which may help the church achieve a better, result oriented performance. You see, human memory is mostly relative but there are certain specific sections of it that are photographic, in nature. Like everyone else, some of these photographic memories I have that are associated with my school and the church that I went to, are sadly not so very pleasant enough for the occasional reconciliation of one’s childhood memories. I would throw light into some of these memories, perhaps which experts of the theistic order can utilize to their organizations advantage and prevent repetitions of such trivial mistakes, which might perhaps in the long run throw some positive light on the clergy and the ideology and accommodate more people into their order.

Considering the fact I’m not someone you could classify as a highly intelligent individual I would retort not, to desperate measures about what your organization should do. Instead I will merely try and use common sense to point out, what certainly one should not do in the larger interest of your intentions that seem to be at stake.

  1. Repetitively telling a child with cerebral palsy that he has polio,simply because you couldn’t understand what cerebral palsy was, is a bad idea. Even worse is accusing that the child’s parents are stupid enough not to give the child polio drops and ending it with “Hindus always forget polio drops”. This is not a very great way of gaining the confidence with the child.
  2. Repeating several times that the child is a sinner and that he/she must repent for his sins every day in his life is a great way to force guilt but not really good to make the system look any friendly. Stating that physical disability is evidence of such a sin though, I agree is an effective terror campaign.
  3. To remove the shoes, belt and mess up the hair of a few physically disabled children on the day of the memorial day of the schools, dead ex-correspondent, applying rose powder to their faces only to make them sit as decorative pieces of poverty tourism for random white guys who come to that event as guests, isn’t a good idea in my humble opinion.
  4. Whilst those white guys come around to look at the poor crippled children, conning them about how these orphaned kids are given free education in the school for which they need funding is not a very smart idea, specifically considering the fact that it is the most expensive school in town + the entire family of that child lives no farther than 2 kms from where the school is.
  5. Before you try and convince that cripples can be cured by converting to Christianity, a simple cross checking of facts as to cerebral palsy being a curable disease is seemingly a fantastic idea in my opinion. I agree we didn’t have the internet in the 80’s but the school doctor was closeby.
  6. Before offering a teenage boy “a beautiful girl’s hand, in marriage”, it is wise to think “will this scare the living daylights out of this individual?”
  7. Before suggesting, desperately hinting and indirectly offering sex to a physically challenged teenager for converting them to your religion wouldn’t it be wise to gauge how much of human anal intercourse and the derived pleasures of which the candidate would understand? Perhaps teaching Lesson#9 titled “Nutrition, Hygiene and Evolution” could have helped impart some ideas about what sex was, but then…
  8. “I know you look strong on the outside, but you are weak on the inside and there are things you want…” is not a great strategy in opening a conversation with people having physical disability. In fact this applies to pretty much 90% of the human population and we all need something that we cannot openly demand or seek. Psychology 101, kapish?
  9. “Like you, I used to be a loser and the only difference is…” is an absolute no as a conversation starter. Nothing what-so-ever can make sense to a cripple post that, specifically if the cripple isn’t convinced that he/she is a loser in the generic sense, in life.
  10. Point #2 of this post does not really go well with the logic “Jesus died for your sins” because if Jesus died for my sins, my condition explains the obvious fact that Jesus died in vain, since my sin still lingers and as a result, I still limp around as a cripple. Not a good advertisement for the product being sold?

I guess that’s pretty much it, as of now. 10 amendments, like I would call it in true infidel style. There is no harm trying it, seriously.

About the author

The Infidel Preacher

I'm an Infidel and i preach blasphemy. I deny the holy spirit in all forms, except when im at the pub where i consume highly spirited things...


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