Secular Humanism

Anti-gay Court Prevents My Sister From Adopting Abused Children

I have two sisters that are gay. One of them has been trying to adopt. All three times they have decided to give the children back to abusive or bad situations instead of placing them with two lesbians…

After the first two my sister was not looking to adopt. Her heart had been broken but social services knew her and contacted her about a little boy and girl. They had been abused/beaten. The little girl had a broken arm and didn’t speak. The mom was the abuser and a drug user. The father had been abusive in the past but now was in prison for something unrelated.

My sister had these children for 4-6 months when social services told them they had been awarded to the grandmother. At this time the girl could speak and both children were doing well. They had their own rooms, a yard, a home, three little dogs and two loving moms.

The court placed them with an ex-abusive grandma in a home that was full of violence just with the grandmas children. Grandma works 6 nights per week. So the children go to school all day and then get picked up by the baby sitter. The grandma gets them at night while they are sleeping. So grandma actually only has the opportunity to see them on Sunday.

The children had now been gone two weeks and her grieving was over, when she gets a call saying the children were missing. Grandma apparently gave the kids to mom…who was very pregnant and on meth. Mom showed up at a hospital the next day to give birth. Social services gave them back to my sister assuring her that they wouldn’t go back to mom, dad or grandma…

Three days later they took them again. You can’t imagine how heart broken she is. She wants so bad to be a mom.

She had tried to conceive but was unable.

So what kind of a court system or judge who is supposed to have the best interest of the children in mind would keep putting children back into abusive homes? My sister is a Doctor. She makes very good money. Her spouse makes very good money. They are very good people. They are always doing cool things….I want to be adopted by her! Those kids would never have a want or need. Their college would be paid for…and yet two poor kids would be better off in a house were abuse and drugs go hand and hand.

The Judge is also known for being anti-gay and against gay marriage…

homophobia-gay-adoptions

What chance will they have growing up in an unsupervised household? Will they turn out like their mother? Father? I wish those children love and luck. I hope they make it unharmed.

We have a long way to go in this country before gays have the same rights as straight Christian bigots.

Editor’s Note 1: This message was posted exactly as is by Michael on his facebook wall. It has been reproduced here with permission in its original form. We could not do justice to the pain and raw emotion captured by those words if they were edited in any way.

Editor’s Note 2: Michael is talking about the United States where these events went down, in the last line of his post.

About the author

Michael Krueger

13 Comments

  • This is a heart breaking case, but I also have reservations about homosexual couples adopting children.

    Too often I see people demanding for their right to have children, whereas I think it is the child that has a right to have a father and a mother.

    Living in the Netherlands, I applaud the right for same-sex marriages, but I don’t think it should include the right to adopt children.
    Sometimes the wish for equality gets exggaterated.

    However, being not so dogmatic, I can imagine exceptions, but the rule should be.

    • Well, tell us something then. Let’s say a child is born and sometime later the father dies. Now, the child is being raised by a single mother only. No father. So, by your logic, unless the mother remarries, would it be wise to take the child away from her and given to another couple so it again has a father and a mother both?

      How is 2 women bringing up a child worse than 1 woman bringing up a child?

      And, if homosexual women/men want to have children, you might have your reservations, but you can’t deny them that, can you?

      What exactly are your reservations to homosexuals seeking this right? Would you like to share with us?

      • I don’t know how you deduced that logic from my comment, but for me it makes no sense.

        You talk about a child that looses a father, but still has its mother.
        Then you talk about taking away the child, while the subject was adoption.

        However, the situation you described resembles a situation I once encountered in my work.

        Parents of four were married, but after ten years or so father came out of the closet and started a relationship with a man.
        The mother had severe psychiatric problems and was no longer able to take care of the children.

        Do you really think I would have any objection against those children being raised by their father and his partner?? (considering they had a stable life)

        For me the rights of the child are central and not the supposed rights of adults (homo/hetero)

        “And, if homosexual women/men want to have children, you might have your reservations, but you can’t deny them that, can you?”

        Adoption could be forbidden/restricted, but if a woman gets a child and she is in a homosexual relation, I don’t imagine the child being taken away because of that.

        Similarly I consider it wrong if a woman has a child and stays alone deliberately. The father not even knowing he has a child, the child grows up only knowing a mother.
        And now please don’t mistake my words and confuse this single mom with the single moms who didn’t choose for it.

        Once again, having children (little human beings) is not a right and shouldn’t be.

        • Rene: Virtually any study that has been done without a pre-existing extremely religious agenda has shown that gay parents provide parenting as well as heterosexual parents in similar circumstances: there is even a small amount of evidence which suggests lesbian parents perform slightly better than other families (gay male parents or heterosexual parents).

          There is frankly no reason at all to deny basic adoption rights to homosexual couples that I have ever heard of.

          • @Fiyenyaa
            I doubt there has been a lot of studies into this matter, for it is such a recent phenomena.

            If, however, in a few decades it can really be shown that there are no significant differences, I will most likely change my opinion.

            For now I don’t think that can be shown, so I stick to the principle that a child has the right for a father and a mother.(because that is how children come into existence)

            Because adoption can mean a solution for sad situations, it could be that a child gets adopted by homosexual parents when no heterosexual parents can be found.
            It is a better alternative than an orphanage or any other institution.

          • http://www.cpa.ca/cpasite/userfiles/Documents/Marriage%20of%20Same-Sex%20Couples%20Position%20Statement%20-%20October%202006%20(1).pdf

            http://www.psychology.org.au/Assets/Files/LGBT-Families-Lit-Review.pdf

            http://www.ca9.uscourts.gov/datastore/general/2010/10/27/amicus29.pdf

            That’s from a 60-second google search and a little time reading. There has been a fairly consistent culture of gay parenting for decades in the gay community – it’s not a particularly well-known thing because frankly homosexuality has not been socially acceptable that long – but the info is there.

            Also: always bear in mind that nature is not a moral imperative.

          • There are indeed quite some studies, but they are all pretty recent, most of them post-2000.
            I still don’t think enough research has been done.
            That doesn’t mean I don’t accept the FACT that these children can live happy lives and prosper, but little is known about long-term effects.

            Kids in extreme religious households for example can also prosper and live happy lives despite the religious indoctrination they undergo.
            That still does’t make this upbringing acceptable to me, because of the effects on a larger scale and over a longer time span.

            That said, I repeat that if eventually it can be shown that non-heterosexual relationships perform equally, my objections will dissolve, but that is not the case (yet?).

            An additional problem I have with discussions about homosexuality is that it is often said to be normal.
            Well, it is not.
            Heterosexuality is normal and other forms are anomalies.
            That is not a moral judgement, but a factual one.

            There are however people who think that if you don’t conform to the norm you are a lesser human being and they do give a negative moral judgement.
            I think that is despicable and I think laws should be made and upheld to protect minorities.
            But as I wrote before, one shouldn’t exaggerate to the other side and call the anomaly the norm.

            For example how do you explain to children how they come to existence?
            Do I tell them about test tubes? Later for sure, but not at first.
            At first I tell my child that babies are being made by a man and a woman that love each other.
            Perhaps that is hopelessly romantic and damaging conservative in the eyes of some, I accept this is a correct position.

            So even though I agree that nature is not a moral imperative, I also think that one should not ignore nature.

          • It’s anomalous to have red hair. It’s anomalous to have blue eyes, big ears, or an extra toe. So what? What does normal or non-normal have to do with anything?
            The fact is, homosexuality is a completely amoral concept – there’s nothing good or bad about it – much in the same way that heterosexuality is.

            If people want to make a big deal about people not being normal (and even discriminating against them based on these differences) then that is where the problem lies.

    • Yes Rene, do share your reasons for thinking same-sex couples should not be allowed to adopt. Oh and as for “Sometimes the wish for equality gets exaggerated”, please check your privilege.

  • Lesbian or not in such a situation it is much better and wise enough to handover the children to a Lesbian couple. I can’t digest the thought of having to live under abusive, violent, drug using (Meth a deadly drug), insensitive, criminal minded parents. It is better to die than live under such violent parents. A grown up living under such conditions would have killed himself but these poor children do they have any options? The judge must be a sadist guy to give the children back to their violent and abusive parents. He may not have any idea how it feels to live in such a hell.

  • There is no logical reason for rejecting the right of adoption for somebody on the basis of his / her sexual preferences. Whatever reason there is, it is purely ideological.

    It is a shame that we deny people of excellent caliber and good will, who can impart a lot of caring and guidance for young children, their fundamental rights to be loving parents. This is inequality and discrimination. Hope this will end soon !

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